thank god i bought new oven mitts last week.

this probably should be titled 'my life as an anomaly'..

i have spent the last hour of my only afternoon off perplexing the target.com techs in mumbai with some freakish system error that seems to be only on my account.

website says: are you sure you want to delete this bank account? OK... SYSTEM ERROR Please call 1-800...

clear temp internet files, delete cookies, clear history. open a new browswer. try again. website says: are you sure want to add this new bank account? OK... SYSTEM ERROR. Please call 1-800...

Call #1... Please enter your card number. Press #. Please enter the last four digits of your SSN. ...Press 2 for online help... Press 2 for online account help... hold hold hold hold stupid music hold hold hold more stupid music hold hold hold... disconnect.

Call #2... Please enter your card number. Press #. Please enter the last four digits of your SSN. ...Press 2 for online help... Press 2 for online account help... hold hold ... woman asks for my information, tell her a brief synopsis of the problem, she asks me to hold... disconnect.

Call #3... Please enter your card number. Press #. Please enter the last four digits of your SSN. ...Press 2 for online help... Press 2 for online account help... hold hold ... A kind gentleman with a very thick accent goes through the motions with me (again) to add a new bank account (ERROR) delete an old account (ERROR) delete my history, clear my cookies, etc (again) .... he put me on hold a couple of times, during which i have to listen to target's bad techno-ish remakes of beatles' songs and all i can think of is good ole ringo in his 3 inch tall train conductor outfit on Shining Time Station.. thats a memory i'd like to pretend i didnt have... after a good 15 minutes he is perplexed to the point of not believing in his 'clear the cookies' training, and passes me on to another woman with a different accent. She is unbelievably nice and walks me through all of the same steps (Again.). After perplexing her to the end of her 'call your lead for help' training, she tells me the best thing to do is to re-enroll in the online account management site and i should be able to set up a fresh bank account like this problem never happened. 'would you like me to hold while you re-enroll?' Famous last words: "No, it should be ok."

website says: choose a password... Your password cannot be the same as your last 6 passwords.

dammit. re-enrolling does nothing but make you think up a new password.

Call #4... Please enter your card number. Press #. Please enter the last four digits of your SSN. ...Press 2 for online help... Press 2 for online account help... hold hold ... another gentleman with a much thicker accent goes through the motions with me (AGAIN) to add a new bank account (ERROR) delete an old account (ERROR) delete my history, clear my cookies, etc (AGAIN) ... but this time is much more thorough, and tells me step by step how to clear my cookies, change the privacy setting, open a new browser, type in the web address, click OK - a thoroughness that, although i'm sure is justified with less computer savvy customers, is more frustrating to me than almost anything else i can think of at this time... I want to scream that back in the day when tech support myself, i told people to do much the same thing for a far less complex website, and learned quickly that there are instances when you just have to give up the notion that clearing your cookies will save the world. and so he transfers me to another woman, sharing the first woman's accent, and she walks me through all of the same steps AGAIN. My computer has been cleared so many times it probably cant remember what a cookie is, and now i want gingerbread. She offered to take my payment without fee, and sends my problem onto a system lead who will send me an email, inevitably asking me to clear my cookies...

it is a sick ploy, i have determined, to make people take stock in mrs fields in an effort to save them from bankruptcy. well it wont work, i tell you! even though they did have the best snickerdoodles on the face of the planet. but i digress..

gingerbread. now that will save the world. if you remember only one thing in life, let it be this:

gingerbread = world peace.