its gone.

today i watched a bird fly into the wind. he flapped his wings with great intensity, mustering all of his energy to progress against the storm, carrying something in his talons. try as he might he just could not move forward. in a momentary lapse of flight, perhaps from exhaustion, like pausing to take a deep breath before forging on, the wind carried him back a ways as he dipped a few feet closer to the treetops. he waged war on the winds and pressed on. he moved forward, slightly ahead of where he started, and while pressing harder still, he tried to regain the height of which he once had attained... when the wind pushed him back and back down to the tree tops.

its raining again.

we are stuck in front of the tv.

i have two papers to write.

four weeks until i can begin applying for sdusd jobs.

two weeks until the girls get here.

four days until my next day off. two and three days before each paper is due.

seventeen minutes till 24 is on.

going through the motions.

tick tock. tick tock. tick tock banana rock. criss cross applesauce.

miss sue.. miss sue..

it seems there are a million things i need to catch up on..

but for now, i have made three decisions today:

i really, really like broccoli.

dogs on stairs are funny.

i am growing fond of yellow eyeshadow.

thank god i bought new oven mitts last week.

this probably should be titled 'my life as an anomaly'..

i have spent the last hour of my only afternoon off perplexing the target.com techs in mumbai with some freakish system error that seems to be only on my account.

website says: are you sure you want to delete this bank account? OK... SYSTEM ERROR Please call 1-800...

clear temp internet files, delete cookies, clear history. open a new browswer. try again. website says: are you sure want to add this new bank account? OK... SYSTEM ERROR. Please call 1-800...

Call #1... Please enter your card number. Press #. Please enter the last four digits of your SSN. ...Press 2 for online help... Press 2 for online account help... hold hold hold hold stupid music hold hold hold more stupid music hold hold hold... disconnect.

Call #2... Please enter your card number. Press #. Please enter the last four digits of your SSN. ...Press 2 for online help... Press 2 for online account help... hold hold ... woman asks for my information, tell her a brief synopsis of the problem, she asks me to hold... disconnect.

Call #3... Please enter your card number. Press #. Please enter the last four digits of your SSN. ...Press 2 for online help... Press 2 for online account help... hold hold ... A kind gentleman with a very thick accent goes through the motions with me (again) to add a new bank account (ERROR) delete an old account (ERROR) delete my history, clear my cookies, etc (again) .... he put me on hold a couple of times, during which i have to listen to target's bad techno-ish remakes of beatles' songs and all i can think of is good ole ringo in his 3 inch tall train conductor outfit on Shining Time Station.. thats a memory i'd like to pretend i didnt have... after a good 15 minutes he is perplexed to the point of not believing in his 'clear the cookies' training, and passes me on to another woman with a different accent. She is unbelievably nice and walks me through all of the same steps (Again.). After perplexing her to the end of her 'call your lead for help' training, she tells me the best thing to do is to re-enroll in the online account management site and i should be able to set up a fresh bank account like this problem never happened. 'would you like me to hold while you re-enroll?' Famous last words: "No, it should be ok."

website says: choose a password... Your password cannot be the same as your last 6 passwords.

dammit. re-enrolling does nothing but make you think up a new password.

Call #4... Please enter your card number. Press #. Please enter the last four digits of your SSN. ...Press 2 for online help... Press 2 for online account help... hold hold ... another gentleman with a much thicker accent goes through the motions with me (AGAIN) to add a new bank account (ERROR) delete an old account (ERROR) delete my history, clear my cookies, etc (AGAIN) ... but this time is much more thorough, and tells me step by step how to clear my cookies, change the privacy setting, open a new browser, type in the web address, click OK - a thoroughness that, although i'm sure is justified with less computer savvy customers, is more frustrating to me than almost anything else i can think of at this time... I want to scream that back in the day when tech support myself, i told people to do much the same thing for a far less complex website, and learned quickly that there are instances when you just have to give up the notion that clearing your cookies will save the world. and so he transfers me to another woman, sharing the first woman's accent, and she walks me through all of the same steps AGAIN. My computer has been cleared so many times it probably cant remember what a cookie is, and now i want gingerbread. She offered to take my payment without fee, and sends my problem onto a system lead who will send me an email, inevitably asking me to clear my cookies...

it is a sick ploy, i have determined, to make people take stock in mrs fields in an effort to save them from bankruptcy. well it wont work, i tell you! even though they did have the best snickerdoodles on the face of the planet. but i digress..

gingerbread. now that will save the world. if you remember only one thing in life, let it be this:

gingerbread = world peace.

hm..

i think i have figured out what the 'something' is that I have been feeling: i dont feel quite myself here.

happy new year!

We got our dancy on last night - the first time we've gone out since I've been here. It was hard to find anything going on that didnt cost an arm and a leg to get in the door. Many places downtown were charging from $50-300 PER PERSON.. a little crazy. So after searching a bit online, I found a club in Hillcrest that was boasting free drinks from 9-11 with a $20 cover. It looked a little Hot Pink-ish so we checked it out. We got all dolled up, but couldnt take a picture because my camera battery died :(

The club was alright. really small. Crowded. The women's room wasnt working. The music was so-so. But who can argue with free beer? All in all we had a good time. I missed dancing.

Today, we took the dog to the beach for a minute. Got donuts. Ate chorizo burritos. (Not in that order, by the way. the opposite, actually.) Currently on the couch watching the Loony Toons marathon. We love these cartoons. Havnt heard JM laugh this much in a while.

Hope everyone else has a safe and happy new year!

Flickr

well, i've just spent a couple of hours reading a rambling of various posts about Etsy shop tips, pimping my shop, promoting my shop, and photographing my wares. it has been ages since i joined the now-infamous flickr, and way back when you could have only a handful of photos without paying for the pimped version. so i didnt really bother. now, however, i have learned the woes of my ways and am jumping back in.

i updated my flickr account with the photos available on my laptop. given the fact that few photos are on my little wand i couldnt put in much. someday soon i will add additional photos of randomness, but seeing as how it is very cold in the room where my desktop is.. it will be a day not like this one.

so for now, here is the link: http://www.flickr.com/photos/sullenmonarch/

i've also added it to my facebook, which can be found here: Facebook me!

the sweet spot

so i'm sucker for any song with some sort of ba-da-ba or la-la-la or do-dee-da... or anything of the sort. my new addctions:

blue or gray by jaymay

panda much?

what started out as a little joke has now defined our lives. when we were just dating, i was driving him home during rush hour one day, stop and go, stop and go... we passed a Panda Express, and in his i've-had-three-red-bulls-in-the-last-20-minutes crazy state, he broke into angry chinaman voice and started ranting about us 'round-eye' always trying to eat panda. .. at the moment, it was hilarious, and i laughed so hard i had tears rolling down my cheeks and was mostly unable to drive.

by far, his angry chinaman voice is my favorite, and has continued to make me laugh throughout these last couple of years. we've enjoyed it so much, in fact, that we've started collecting little panda bits here and there, and he even plans to make his next tattoo some sort of panda. i found panda glasses for the kitchen, panda picture frames, t-shirts, and plush toys. "who's my panda?" "you're my panda" "love panda" .. well, you get the idea!

a few weekends ago, we found the ultimate panda - a real one. well, we didnt 'find' it per se, it was at the zoo, but we got to watch it for a while, take some pictures..

and now i'm obsessed with panda art. i've decided that i want to begin a small collection to support a few of my favorite things: pandas, my love, and handmade art.

so i've found a dozen or so panda art pieces on Etsy that I'm in love with, and think would make a wonderful wall of our home. and being so close to christmas and my birthday, i've so innocently and in no way intending to hint-hint, posted a few of them here :)

Panda Ball by blandysnorhal

Panda Girl by atwhim

Becky by aurelia27

Cheeky Panda by moonkooki

This is, by far, a short list, but you can find all of the prints I've hearted in my favorites on Etsy. (wink wink nudge nudge)

A few of them are ACEO's and I think this is a great way to start an ACEO collection. I have one, non-panda related, and would love to purchase more. ACEO's are like artist trading cards. Artist make small little cards (multimedia, prints of their original work, something off-the-wall), something to define them. sort of like a baseball card for artists. They are small, approx 2.5x3.5 and are an inexpensive way to collect original art by artists around the world.

find more at Etsy.com, just search for 'ACEO'

Happy Holidays and Happy New Year!

so lemme tell ya about my day...

The Plan:

Wake up early. Drink coffee. Get dressed.

Go to school. Make an appt for new student orientation. Visit the job center.

Go to Otay Ranch Town and Country and put in some applications.

Go to Plaza Bonita and put in some applications.

Go to Horton Plaza and put in some applications.

Go home. Finish candles. Make dinner. Eat garlic bread. Watch a movie with the hubbs and then go to bed, feeling accomplished and warm.

What really happened:

Woke up to the biscuit calling my name, lifting my head only to bash him in the nose as he was leaning down to kiss me goodbye, and sent him to school cussing.

Lay in bed for what felt like ten minutes, staring at the ceiling, getting my head straight, only to realize it had really been an hour and already I was behind schedule.

Get up to near-horizontal rain and wind that looked like it would break the trees outside.

Decide not to go to Horton Plaza or Town and Country because they are outdoor shopping centers. F that. Its cold.

Decide to call the school to make an appt instead of trying to rush there in the rain, but have to wait to 8am.

Check email... Oh shit, its 815am. Behind schedule again.

Call the school, make an appt for today at 1pm. Sweet! i dont have to leave, and i'm not going to 2 of the plazas, so I can take my time and leave at 1130 (early enough to leave plenty of time to drive slow in the rain and still make my appt by 1pm, go me for planning ahead!) I can then go to Plaza Bonita after school then finish the day as planned.

Get dressed. Put on make-up, feel good.

Check a billion websites and gather a bunch of interesting job postings from the SWC job center site so I have an idea what to talk about when I get to school. Get really frustrated because most of these jobs are for security guards or require you to be bilingual... Oh shit.. its 1140 and I havnt eaten anything. Behind schedule again.

Gather up all my paperwork for registration, organize my purse and find a bracelet I thought I had lost.

Get to the bottom of the stairs only to realize the dog has shit on the floor for the third time this week. Argh! WTF is her problem this week?! Clean it up and rush to the kitchen to make breakfast.

Bustle to warm up a cup of coffee, make a bagel and gather my coat, hat, scarf, etc and get ready to go. Its noon and I am going to be SO late.

Head to the stairs to head down into the garage, take a big step, miss my footing and fall down. Hands full, unable to catch myself, I spill coffee all over my coat and pants and land right on my ass four steps down, losing the breath in my chest and jarring my spine. My neck and back are throbbing. My jaw is now throbbing. Ok, still have my bagel, didnt drop my coffee. Cat get away from me!

Stand up. Slowly. Cant cancel, have to register for school.. Gather most of the things I did drop and head to the garage. Open the car door and toss things inside. Slowly walk back to the stairs to get the rest of the things I dropped. Open the door and goddammit cat get back inside! Chase Ellis behind the dryer. Yell at the top of my lungs. Throw the cat back inside. Toss the rest of the things into my car.

Insert key. zzzzzziiiiiiiiiiipppppppp. try again. zzzzzzzzzzziiiiiiiiiiippppppppppp. a third time. zzzzzzzzzziiiiiiiiiiipppppppppppp. car wont start. it somehow thinks its the pit crew at nascar and is making that tire-changing-sound.

grab purse and coffee and half eaten bagel. go back inside. yell at cat. call school to reschedule. send message to hubbs about car. phone fail. dammit i am not in mexico, let my f'ing signal go thru! stand nose-to-glass in front of the door and try again once i get a wittle itty bitty bar of service.

go upstairs. call mom. vent. hubbs calls. vent. cry. spend the next two hours searching for warranty information and service records, and the internet to find possible causes of pitcrew sound.

spend 45 minutes arguing with insurance guy. totally unrelated to the car, by the way.

search for more jobs.

then hubbs comes home. the sight of him makes me cry, though not his fault of course, and he hugs me and shakes a brand new fat plush panda in my face. then he takes me to change my battery. buys me dinner, including root beer and a cookie. and fixes my car.

biscuit love makes the day all better. sweetest guy ever.

we'll try again tomorrow :)

catch up...

well thanksgiving was very nice. we went to Sacramento and spent a few days with the hubb's clan. first time meeting everyone but his parents, and it was a lot of fun. big family with a contagious trend of three children each, we all had a good time. a lovely dinner, a talent show for the kids, and then Friday was followed up with a day in Old Sacramento shopping and another family dinner. the mole was excellent and we played games and had a good time. traffic home was not as horrid as it was on the way there, and the dog was filthy and exhausted when we picked her up which meant she had a good time too. she finally made some friends.

the last couple of weeks have been spent making candles and doing random bits around the house. i attended an orientation for a military spouse program and am getting funding for school for the next two years. which means i am going back to school full time and am now trying to find a part-time job. again, this is proving to be difficult. i put in several applications at the mall on Tuesday and plan to go to Horton plaza sometime soon. i am 'this close' to going to McDonald's and that scares me.


here's some pics from the holidays.


I wasn't expecting that...



Jon-Marks 'official' invitation to participate in the talent show with his 8yr old cousin.


The hubbs wrangling some kids.



Old Sacramento.