Tuesday, March 31, 2009

accidental mail porn

i just got porn in the mail, and omg it was good. so good, in fact, that i even went to the website afterward for more. apparently, the woman that lived here before us had the same fetish as i do: organization.

She put our address on the mailing list at The Container Store, and they just sent a lovely little 47 page catalog FULL of elfa storage solutions that are on sale. closet organizers. shoe bins. clear bins, zipper bins, stackable bins, bins with labels...

but oh, when i turned to page 4 i just couldn't help myself. There before me in all of its airbrushed near-centerfold fantasy stood the most beautiful, well stacked, perfectly organized closet with avocado green walls and clear plastic shelves for each pair of shoes, handbag or hat.. i've never been so lustful.

my hopes for owning my own home are ever so heightened that i just can't stand it. i'm to call family services today to see where i can go for info on VA loans. the home we're looking at is just blocks away and definitely in our price range. i've not been able to see the inside of it yet (only via a few pictures online), so i hope that its closets will live up to my expectations.

i'm going to flip through the pages a couple more times, because i know that inevitably these images will be made into magnets for me etsy shop :) i've been redoing my craft space and trying to make it manageable. as it stands now i am feeling quite overwhelmed by the sheer amount of 'craft stuff' i have lying around. with my new magnets, i will not toss out even junk mail anymore! it is piling up. If only my 'office' looked like this!

however, after a long thoughtful conversation with the hubbs this past sunday, i have decided to forego job hunting and take this opportunity to make something of my crafts. i really will push to get a business going. i've decided to sell my car to cut monthly expenses and get a little spare change, and really try to make this a full time life. school + craft + beach + hubbs = happiest girl on earth.

we had dinner with the hubb's cousin and some of his friends on sunday night and that generated an interest and possible business opportunity to fill their hotel will my candles.. or at least a few. So we'll see how that plays out.

In addition, he gave me the idea to check out local swap meets as a means to sell some goods, and i think that is exactly what i'm going to do. there is a drive-in movie theater up the street that holds swap meets on Wednesdays and weekends, so i'm going to check it out tomorrow and see what its all about. There's a huge swap meet held at the sports arena in San Diego each weekend, and its relatively inexpensive, I just need to have a second person around. I can rent a canopy but need two people to set it up. and it never hurts to have an extra salesman around to keep you company :)

i really miss doing craft shows, getting out there and talking with people (very anti-hermit like, i know). but i enjoy meeting other artists and i really really need to learn to network a little better.

so today i have the goal to revamp my candle shop, and get together some ideas and samples for the merchandising guy at the hotel so i can make some fresh smellies this week.

gotta spread the word!

xo, h

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

phone etiquette.

maria jesus just called and hung up on our answering machine.

minutes later, jesus sevilla called and hung up on our answering machine.

biblical figures are crank calling us.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

sick and stuff.

i had two calls from 'private caller' on thursday, and no one left a message. i think it was marge. i think she was stalking me.

the hubbs came home on friday, after i had spent all day on the couch. sinus pressure had built up to badly i couldn't sleep. i tried to get into the doctor but they were booked, and the receptionist told me about a clinic i could go to in chula vista. too far for my loopy ass to drive so i decided to wait it out. see if perhaps it got better.

it didnt get any better, and saturday the left side of my head hurt so badly i thought my cheek was going to explode. the dr was closed saturday so we drove to the clinic. apparently, if i have chosena civilian dr, i cannot use the clinic. if i decide to use the clinic i have to give up my dr. my only other option was to go to the emergency room at the navy hospital.

so, that is what we did. i've never been to an emergency room for myself before, so it was an experience. it was the cleanest hospital i have ever seen. they were relatively quick, we were in and out in less than three hours, medications in hand. horsepills in hand, actually. i knew i had a sinus infection, and i really just wanted an antibiotic. instead, i got an antibiotic, ibuprofen, percocets, and flonase. .. flonase is the weirdest thing i've ever used. shooting liquid up my nose is not exactly my favorite thing to do, and furthermore its rose scented. rose scented.

so bizarre.

so i'm medicating myself and have a doctor's note telling me not to go to school on monday. so two days of sleeping on the couch, aye. the hubbs is gone again, a 24 hour duty, so his only day home this week was spent at the hospital. lame. he'll be home for the rest of the week, though, after work each day so perhaps we'll get to spend some time together afterall.

watching the borrowers now. funny little people.

otay. off to sleepy time now.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

my dog likes baked beans.

I have two cats for sale. they eat my plants. and i am unable to determine which of them knocked over my flower vase, spilling water to one-inch-shy of my laptop (and their lives), meanwhile soaking the apple bowl and the brand new book, A Thousand Splendid Suns, I bought last weekend while visiting Catalina Island. I needed something to do while riding the ferry home, and was able to read only 2 pages until I had to spend $3 on a deck of cards to entertain those that were otherwise unable to do so for themselves. They were a good 2 pages, not quite worth the $19 I spent in an effort to read the whole book, but a good start nonetheless. and since i can't figure which cat is to blame, they both must go. Starting bid is $22 plus shipping.

Marge hasn't called me today. I admit my feelings are a bit hurt. Doesn't she care enough about Grace to call me again? It's a gloomy foggy day and a call from Marge would cheer me up a bit.

I've exploded two kinds of beans in the last week and I'm affraid my microwave will not recover. This is why I don't like to use those for anything other than popcorn.

I need a vacation from other people's vacations. i've seen my husband all of three hours in the last ten days, and will not see him again until friday. this life is so confusing to me right now. its like i've hit a wall of crossroads and am unable to detangle them long enough to start making decisions.

I did, however, organize my pantry and clean the tea stains from my refrigerator, so I am feeling optimistic about life. I suppose the best is yet to come.

No matter how much the little things may get me down, all I have to do is watch this video and it lifts me right up:

Now, I'm not a huge fan of youtube BUT this search has led me to some HILARIOUS videos - including but not limited to: Teletubbies "Shake That Ass" and "Lean Wit It"; the "Gummy Bear Song" (which makes me sincerely question who should be able to make videos); "Obama Llama Duck"; and others... I've probably spent too much time seaching for 'funny ____" on youtube lately and thus rotting my brain. Instead, I should have been reading my new book, in which case it would not have been left on the dining table and would not be swelling with flower water as we speak...

oh things we learn in a day...

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

the battle of marge and modern communications

some old lady named marge keeps calling and leaving messages on our machine wishing grace a happy birthday.

the first message said something to the effect of 'gee, i hope this is for grace. this message is to wish you a happy birthday. we're going out for dinner and if we don't get back too late i'll call you again.'

our message on the answering machine clearly states our names. neither of which are grace.

the second message sounded a little exhasperated '...sigh...this is marge again. i'll keep trying you. hope you're having a happy day.'

i think i'll change our message to 'hi, you've reached jon-mark and heather zalapa. please leave a message. PS - Grace doesnt live here.'

or perhaps just 'grace's not here, man...'

i wonder how many family arguments are started this way. old granny calls everyone on their birthday and gets upset when no one calls her back to thank her. the rest of the family quits calling crotchety old marge because she never calls anyone for their birthday. meanwhile, dozens of unrelated citizens spin in confusion at the random assortment of birthday wishes they get on their machines for total strangers, followed up by snappy verbal assaults from the old ladies when their initial messages were left unreturned.

i mean, i'd be happy to call marge and let her know she's probably forgetting to dial the 1+area code for her beloved grace, but the old bat doesn't leave her phone number in her messages and her phone number comes up as a blocked call.

i suppose i could just answer the phone next time, but:

1) I could get stuck listening to twenty minutes of marge fussing over how many times she's had to call and why couldn't grace (me) just call her back two hours ago and save her all the trouble, and her hip hurts and don't i (grace) understand how hard it is for her (marge) to see the numbers on the dang ole telephone and damn these electronic contraptions nowadays and her arthritis is acting up and oh by the way she ran into edna at the grocery market the other day and her cousin's nephew sammy just had twins and he said to tell me (grace) hello, and don't you think you (me/grace) would have ended up happier if you'd have gone out with him instead of larry and then you (me/grace) could have had twins just like sammy and ... i could tell her off, and make an ass out of myself (grace) and make grace the black sheep of the family. then grace would get pounded with angry phone calls from everyone she knows tearing her up and down for being so mean to sweet auntie marge, and when grace denies all of the above allegations, said angry family would either 86 grace and make her run off with no-one-liked-him-to-begin-with larry, or label sweet auntie marge a kook and throw her in a 'home' ... i could have fun with that.

2) that would defeat my being a hermit. i don't particularly like old people anyway, so phooey on you, marge, and your inability to decipher names on an answering machine. take your pills and go watch your 'programs' and quit dialing strangers' phone numbers. if you cant see the numbers or hear the people on the other end you should probably not be allowed to use the phone, or for that matter to talk to people at all, whether you know them or not.

and so the saga continues...

Monday, March 9, 2009

[insert title here]

yesterday was sand dollar jackpot at the beach. last weekend while the girls were here i found a whole sand dollar, the first one ever! i got so excited, it was like a life long journey had come to an end. but while walking the dog yesterday afternoon i found more than a dozen, in various stages of death. i found two that were still alive and so i tossed them as far out as i could get them. the others, well, they were already out of this world so i piled them up in my sweater and brought them home. 16 of them. they are lying out on a napkin on my dining table drying, and stinking up the place. four of them have tiny holes on the tops, but will become some sort of magnet or other thing..
i am currently concocting half a dozen new craft ideas, and even though the etsy market has been slow for me, i continue to list new magnets each day. candles are not selling at all, and that is discouraging. i've packed up my candle making gear for another day it seems. there has been a slew of visits this year already and i need the 'craft' room for guests.
it was freezing cold and raining this morning, and now the sun is out. this place cant make up its mind. the wind is blowing now which will keep the day cold.. its just deceptive i tell you.
the cats are eating the houseplants i bought last week.
the hubbs left this morning for his second week at sea.
i cannot feel my fingers or toes, despite the heater being right behind me.
i have to go to work in less than two hours and have not yet eaten... so i am off to grill some cheese.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

ok i am not done yet...

i have made two decisions tonight:

1. i will die of an early heart attack cuz honey butter kicks bum.

2. When home alone (and no one is coming home any time soon.. like.. for a couple of days), one should not under any circimstances watch Poltergeist. Especially the second one, with the creepy old man. and especially not when one's TV likes to black out or lose volume, and one has to get up and adjust the cords, expressing not just a 'i am stuck in front of the tv and cant pull myself away from this creepy shit' but rather a 'dammit i have to move the cat, uncover myself from the nice warm blanket, walk across the room, and fiddle with the tv, go back to the couch, replace the blankie and cat, then rewind it so i can see what i missed'. its a lot of effort to get creeped out when no one will come home to save you should demons fly out of your television.

honesty in advertising

vacuum manufacturers: please invent vacuum attachments that actually attach to your product. using mere suction does nothing for us. whats the use of adding the hose extension if we still have to hold the upholstery brush on the end anyway? calling an attachment an attachment when it doesnt actually attach to anything is false advertising and a sad misuse of the English language. you should really call it the 'falls off every time you put pressure on it' brush or the 'get carpel tunnel quick' hose.

PS the panda cam i now have on my laptop kicks ASS. it is probably the only good feature in windows vista. and truthfully, i could probably get it without vista. yo, Gates, XP kept it real too.

Monday, March 2, 2009

two dimes...

its beginning to rain. the wind is barely bustling the trees' leaves. the bees' knees. (i dont know why, i just wanted to say that.)

the hubbs left this morning for his first underway. dont know where he's going. but he's supposed to be back on friday.

my boss, my unbiological taller older browner should-have-been-seperated-at-birth un-twin, was made an example of and canned last week. work was miserable today, i closed with a big fat net-sales total of 20 cents. That's right, two dimes.

there is something disturbingly sad about limp, wilted, dying sunflowers.