Sunday, December 6, 2009

therapy cyber-window shopping

As the year of terror winds down (knock on wood), I find myself in the holiday shopping spirit (i.e. therapy shopping spirit) but without the means to actually do so. So I'm spending the morning daydreaming and wandering around the online shops of this wonderful crazy holiday season.

Its been cold and cloudy, a bit windy, with black clouds looming in the horizon this weekend. We're expecting a downpour, perhaps tomorrow. On top of this, its frigid at work -they never turned off the AC when summer went away. Three nights ago I found myself wearing a sweater under my tee shirt instead of the usual long sleeve tee combo, and on top of that had to put o
n a sweat shirt. I've been wearing knit gloves and a scarf too. Silly, it seems, but it helps.

So today I find myself addicted to knits...

This piece by Vickie0908 on Etsy is reserved for someone, so it can't be purchased. However, its a testament to this crafter's skill.

This scarf, though I'm not sure how functional it would be at work, is extremely beautiful and would be a lovely accessory for any outfit this season!

Since we've moved into our new place, I've taken it upon myself to redecorate. (surprise surprise) For eons, we had everything Oriental in various reds and blacks and tans, and frankly that gets old. I really want to incorporate my ecclectic style in some world market sort of way.
(and swap my husband's blacks and blues for bright colors :)

So, our new kitchen is dreamed to be vintage farmer's market inspired in bright tomato red and avocado green. That's harder than it sounds, actually... But here are two prints I found on Etsy that seem to share my color palette.

Honeytree has this delightful print of a farmers market stand taken in Nice, France. And wouldnt you know, the artist shares a name with my pup, Grainne :)

The green gate is a perfect match to our fruit printed towels from Target!

We have a little joke, my husband and I, taken from a Hoops and Yoyo ecard I sent him a few years ago. Those little characters crack us up, and there was a Thinking of You card with a dozen little of which was "Mmmmm you smell gooooood. You smell like bacon!" And there you have it. What a compliment!

Nicodemusgreen has a sugar skull rendition of his "Bacon is like a little hug from god" print in the
avocado green I adore! It's too cute not to have hanging above your stove.

Speaking of little jokes between us...

my husband and I have both developed (seperately, before we met, I might add) an odd addiction with farm animals. Not just any animals, mind you, but
specifically my love/hate relationship with chickens and his worship of goats.

...I know, that's why we get along so well.

Sharon Montrose has this great photographic print of a Nubian Goat that would be perfect for his desk, beside his favorite demotivational calendar!

...and an ipod docking station made from cedar!

Before he enlisted in the NAVY, my husband was a woodworker; making, installing and designing kitchens, cabinetry, etc... With a few little fun personal projects on the side. He made a beautiful treasure box for my birthday this year....

He loves cedar, more than any other material.

This handmade cedar ipod docking station by Woodtec lit up his eyes when he saw the photo.

I could go on, and on, and on with all the fabulous treats found on Etsy. But for now, I'll keep this list short :) Perhaps each week I'll seek a few more. I know quite a few bloggers have a weekly feature of good finds in the handmade market, which is a great way to promote other artists, and those lists are quite fun... so I'm thinking of doing it myself. I guess this will be the first installation!

So farewell for now, and I hope holiday shopping finds you well!

xo, hz

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

i woke this morning from an emotional dream and laid there for a long while staring at the ceiling, tracing the pattern of the curtains with my eyes. thinking of arguments i've had; things i should have said instead. people that have come and gone. listening to my husband breathe. feel the cold. pull the blanket closer to my chin. snuggle a little more. rearrange events to make them make more sense. think of my dream and what it said. wish i could remember what was written on that little girls eyes. begin to doze off. pull the blanket closer. bark. get out of bed. let dog out. watch her pee in the yard through the blinds. overflow the coffee pot. begin to clean. delint pillows and rugs. dishes. dust. sort mail. pay bills. listen to damien rice. breathe. deeply.

watch the light pass through vertical blinds and pinstripe my computer screen. magnolias bouncing in their vase as my fingertips tap on the keys. iron and wine. red lady bugs against a yellow backdrop, one inside my mug peeking up through the coffee horizon. toes are cold. red fuzzy socks. cars and people pass by. dog naps. butter melts. oven heats. smell cinnamon. the furnace exhales. as i do. we all do. and that breath is gone. forever. perhaps wasted. perhaps not. perhaps.

today i am a camera. but there is not just mechanical clickings and electrical charges and openings and closings and lights and shadows. there is a cesspool of experiencing and of feeling and of tearless crying and of laughing and of remembering and of not knowing.

the dream:

there was more. i wrote it. and lost it. the most important pieces are this:
i tried so hard to stop them, i pleaded and i begged and i tried to yell at them. but i am small. and i am quiet and i am not old. and they ignored me. and as i tried so hard i retreated into that cold gray room with the wooden door that leads to the closet of my teenage years. i hid them in there, weezul and azreal. they were hunting them, and i denied their existence to try and save them. then the people all set up in my bedroom with their computers and their machinery and their gadgets and they wouldnt leave. and i didnt want to stand directly in front of the door because they would know i was hiding something in there. but he had watched me put them in there. he knew. and when he saw how intent she was on catching them, he turned on her. and he tried to help me. but they expelled him. and i was alone in this fight. each time i stepped away from the door to verbally pursue them, i looked back to see the door was open, and i had to close it again. but i cant stand too close or they will know. so i stepped away, and it opened again. and i closed it again, and it repeated several times. until finally, he came to me, through the crowded room, with a child in his arms. and with him, like a beam of light, it all made sense, and my struggle was lifted, and it didnt seem to matter anymore, these people that i was fighting against. in his arms was a young girl, perhaps one or two years old. blind. not blind, actually, without eyes. white spheres inserted where her beautiful eyes would be. and on them, the same inscription as was on his chest. with my fingers i reached out and closed her soft eyelids. i stroked the bridge of her nose and read aloud his wish for her, as was tattooed on their skin. it brought tears to my eyes.

i repeated it to myself over and over so i wouldnt forget it when i woke.

but all i remember was that her name was salfa.

Monday, November 23, 2009


hubbs had a tube implanted in his mouth at the top of his gums where his upper lip meets the upper gum - where his incision was from fixing his cheekbone. it got infected and needs to drain. cah cah

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

17 nov

first full day back to school. got a lot of catching up to do. jm is eating chunky soup and had a little garlic bread mush. perhaps things are looking up a little.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

15 nov 09

work today. it was ok. hard to deal with everyone asking how we are holding up. hard to talk to pam today, and to hear her cry. at some point, i'll have to come back and explain whats happened this week. i dont have the energy now.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

the downward spiral

and so it seems our previous landlord is willing to 'split' the difference with us, charging us nearly $700 in 'split' rent and repairs, but quoted our return at only $800, which means either they cant add or they're totally ripping us off. the repairs, by the way, were all on damages we reported when we moved in. but conveniently, they have 'lost' our check-in sheet from both the move-in and the move-out. so they cannot prove them either way. and we cant either. furthermore, in researching my rights, it seems they were supposed to provide us, in writing, an itemized request to make repairs prior to their keeping our deposit, which they did not, and they are beyond their 21 calendar day limit in keeping any funds.

so if my interpretations are correct, we are to receive our deposit in full.

however, cheryl schaumberg is now 'with another client' and will not take our call, nor will she comply with our request to return our call tomorrow i'm sure.

as soon as we can, we're going to navy legal.

neither of our schedules is forgiving at this time and we cant seem to find a moment together that we can sit in line at the legal dept for hours on end. cross your fingers for us.

oh, wait. there's more.

This just in:

JM's uniform allowance on his last check was about $300, but his uniforms will cost about $500. ha.

SWC (Southwestern College, where I currently attend) begins registration for Spring 2010 on Monday, Nov 9, 2009. My registration 'appointment' isnt until Nov 17th at 2pm. Guaranteed that classes I need will be gone. I seriously need to consider transferring to another community college, but all are facing similar problems. So is it worth it? I have to pay for my classes within 5 days of registering, or I will be dropped from all unpaid classes to make room for another student, which due to budget constraints and a rise in need, will be more strict than ever. Thanks uncle navy, cuz I can't afford to pay my own tuition next year.

SDSU (San Diego State University) has announced that it is not letting any more students attend classes in Spring 2010.Aless students will be able to attend university. Those who are accepted to begin classes next fall will be paying $600 more than students that started there this fall. The Transfer Agreement Guarantee between SDSU and SWC that currently guarantees transfer eligibility between schools is now being modified. It will state that 100% of pre-transfer requirements will have to be completed at SWC, and since SWC is cutting 467 classes there's a good chance those classes wont exist. What that means is this: Almost no one will be covered in that agreement because if a student cannot get a class they need through SWC they will not be guaranteed transfer to SDSU via the community college transfer program.

Leaving no stone unturned, California budget constraints have also forced UCs (University of California, located all over the state) to implement tuition hikes (not once, but twice) and enrollment cuts by approx 4,600 students. CSUs (California State Universities, also with multiple locations) will be cutting enrollment by 40,000 over the next year.

What does this mean? I'm phukd.

Now, I write a letter to Mr Obama.

Friday, October 30, 2009

backfire week

so apparently, the proverbial world is crashing down.

in the last five days I have managed to lose faith in school, work, and my closest friends. and i almost lost the cat and the dog, while plummeting down the back stairs with JM's bike.

so last weekend was one of my very best friend's wedding. four of us girls, who were once inseperable, were to get together and spend friday getting our nails done, then have lunch, then decorate the reception hall and do the rehearsal and dinner. with animosities between parties aplenty, it was apparent to me that this group of girls just isnt what it used to be. all weekend, there were cat fights, shit talking, crying and cold shoulders.

tuesday, in my favorite class, the teacher sat down and opened class with a discussion about giongs on on campus. last thursda there was a studen rally protesting issues raised by budget cuts. apparently, the school has decided to cut 467 classes, laying off 300 teachers, which is approx 25% of all classes offered. Meanwhile, the president has given himself and a handful of administrators a big fat raise. what this means is, that classes that are already hard to come by because of the rediculous registration 'priority' appointments and 'waitlist' procedure this school endures, less 467 classes means there will be students frantic to get into classes. and no classes for them to get into. which also means that students that were in line to finish their general eds in spring (like me) and were planning to transfer to state in the fall (like me) may not be able to because there is a giant chance they cant get into the classes they need to complete. and state university is facing giant budget cuts as well, so there will be no soft admission for students that havnt completed all of there classes on time, no student may have lingering classes to finish during the summer, as they MUST be done in the fall. We've also been advised that 2yr degrees are taking 3-4 years and 4year degrees are taking 6-7 just because of budget constraints on schools.

furthermore, we found that after the rally last week, a few students and faculty marched to the presidents office, and because of a similar protest last year that ended badly, the president has a no tolerance policy for the first ammendment. four teachers were served that night with letters banning them from campus. they cannot finish teaching their classes. which also means that nearly 120 students are unable to finish they classes as planned, unless they decide to stick it out with whatever substitute is sent their way.

(oh yeah, by the way, last week i found out that my tuition reimbursement program is being cancelled. so as of the 23rd of october, i have no more tuition assistance from uncle navy.)

wednesday, feeling oh so down, i get a couple of crappy emails from one of my aforementioned girlfriends and it just set me over the edge. i sent a plea to all parties involved letting them know that i just dont understand what wedge has driven itself between them since i moved away last year and i hope they can fix it. well that backfired. now they are all fighting, no one is talking to me, and i feel like an asshole. it seems that my attempt to open the lines of communication and get everyone to like each other again has only amounted to everyone being tight lipped about whats going on in their lives and will only wear a much bigger false face than before. so be it.

that night, i found out something rediculous happened at work. last monday was our inventory. we had too much backstock, according to the district manager. so two days later, when i got back to work, all the backstock was gone. all of it. asking any questions was staunched by one word answers and managers quickly walking away. there was something wrong, we all knew it, but no one was talking about it. a general uncomfortableness swept in. well apparently, the brilliance of the two leading managers felt it was a good idea to put the backstock in the attic. like shoving all your stuff under the bed when mom tells you to clean your room when you're five.

someone then called the district manager and ratted them out. he stormed through the store, into the attic, found it was true, and ripped some new assholes. of course, no one is talking about this. and the whole store is uncomfortable.

they made the whole crew look like assholes. i feel like they made a fool out of all of us, even though only a couple people were involved. i feel lied to. i feel disrespected. i feel totally uncomfortable there now. and i dont want to work for people who play games like that. but what else can i do?

there's now 300 more people laid off in san diego county, whats there for me to do without flipping burgers?

then last night, i found out my husband is leaving in january afterall, the day after my birthday, for three months.

and today, i put the 'good behavior' collar a friend gave me on the cat, and he immediately ran out the back door, down the stairs and under the neighbor's car. followed by the dog hauling ass down the back stairs chasing the neighbor's cat out into the middle of the road, while i almost fell down the stairs with JM's bike.

on top of it all, we got effed by JM's mission reimbursement. so, it seems, we sincerely cannot catch a break this year. and i dont know how much more i can take. i'm really down right now.

it seems that things with the best intentions really are the worst things to do.

Sunday, October 4, 2009

an experiment

yestserday, and thursday for that matter, i tried to keep a mental record of how many people politely asked "how are you?" after i had asked them first. the results were depressing.

for example, a polite, albeit insincere, converstation may go something like this:
"hello! How are you today?"
"I'm great. How are you?"
"I'm doing well, thank you. Did you find everything ok today?"
"I did! this spinich dip is fabulous..."

you get the idea.

However, more than 50% of the people that came through my line didnt return any polite conversation at all. It was more like this:

"Hi, how are you today?"

With which the coversation ends and as I bag their groceries in silence, with a twinge of irritation at their obvious rudeness, I pinch their bread and put heavy things on top of their tomatoes.

Even if you dont like me, think I look weird, or are having a shitty day, at least play the public image politics and be nice to the person who is working on a Saturday to serve you.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009


so i'm sitting in the coffee bean and tea leaf. my noon class was cancelled, leaving me with three hours to kill before bio lab. without any lunch to speak of and no enthralling religious discussion to take my mind off of hunger pains, i decided to take the quick jaunt to work to grab a wrap, and head to TCB&TL to make use of their free wi-fi... upon entering, there is a set of three cushy chairs around a marble-esque table on the left side, a cushy chair solo in the right, and a handful of small wood tables and chairs about. there was a businessy man camped in the middle of the three cushy chairs, so i camped in the solo cushy chair on the right. after a handful of minutes typing away here, i just had to look up. and he was staring at me. not like the, we just happened to look up at the same time kind of staring.. it was the i looked over and got lost and so i'm just going to keep staring at you with a look on my face that makes you not really want to know whats going on inside my head cuz i'm a creepy office predator kind-of-stare.

so yeah.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

melissa's bachelorette

last night we took melissa to dinner at the Wrigley Mansion in Phoenix to celebrate her marriage. She wanted the four of us to get all gussied up and have a nice dinner, rather than a rediculous embarrassing bachelorette party.

We got lost, of course, getting to the mansion. The home is beautiful, though under-budgeted and not as upkept as I'd have imagined. You are free to wander the home, but most rooms are either empty or filled with large tables and chairs for banquets or meetings.
dinner is a relatively private room, only six tables, seated in a room full of floor to ceiling windows with a view of the city from the Biltmore looking south. Dinner was delish, with complimentary champagne, and desert was fab.

All in all, it was a wonderful night. I wanted just an evening with the girls, a time to relax with friends and thats exactly what we did. I feel a peace in me that i've been missing for a while with such a hectic schedule and no friends to spend time with. Melissa had an equally lovely time, and that is really what matters most.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

sigh of relief

i hit a breaking point yesterday, emotional, zombified and exhausted - i've been going 7 days a week and havnt had a full day off in close to a month. i've gotten to the point that all i do when i'm home is sleep. the house is a MESS, which stresses me out. i've lost all energy to cook, so i've been eating poorly, which doesnt help my energy level. i'm so tired, in fact, that i've been making lots of mistakes. i miskeyed my acct number on two bills and racked up $50 in charges. i'm a zombie at work, which is dangerous. money has been a huge stressor since JM left (long story). so i went on a binge and ordered a pair of shoes from DSW (they had a big online clearance event) and stupid fedex turned the pkg over the post office to deliver - AND I'VE LOST MY MAIL KEY! so there's a fabulous pair of brand new shoes sitting in our mailbox and i cant get to them. taunting me. i have two tests this coming week that i'm not prepared for. i work tonight till 10pm, open tomorrow at 7am with school till 7pm, then tuesday school runs from 930am to 7pm, wednesday i work at 830am with school till 730pm, and thursday runs school at 9am with work till 10pm. i just cant catch a break.

so i broke down and rearranged my work availability. starting ths week, with my trip to phoenix, i have every friday off until the holidays. So, friday... yeah, i can hardly wait. i'm so excited i can barely stand it.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

totally overwhelmed...

i havn't had a day off since i was sick almost three weeks ago, and that was only because i missed two days of school in a flu coma on the couch. i am totally wiped out.

next weekend i am travelling to phx for a bachelorette party, a bridal shower, and two birthday parties. two weeks ago i dreamed that i was at work on the night of bachelorette party and that everyone was so mad at me for being late... so i asked one of the managers to double check that i had requested the right days off because i was worried. we checked, and the dates were correct. so when i got to work yesterday and checked my schedule for next week - lo and behold they scheduled me to work on friday. i had to leave a note for the schedule girl to let her know, and i also asked her to give me a permanent day off on the weekend so that i can at least have one day off a week. we'll pick up that discussion when i get in today. who knows how that will go over.

i really wish i could just be unemployed again and focus on school. i have two tests this week that i am not prepared for. homework aplenty that i havn't done. packing to do. apt hunting that needs to be done. laundry. house cleaning. all things i just cant get done with four hours a day that i have to myself. on top of the stress of our growing financial obligations, and loneliness of my husband having been gone for six weeks...i'm loosing it, sincerely.

i'm going to offer my shift to anyone who wants it tomorrow. tampon-and-tequila girl at work is always begging for hours. if she wants it, she can have it.

and now i have 35 minutes before i have to get ready for work...

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

another day.

waiting for the hubbs to call.

i packed my books and dvds today. i bathed the dog last night, so she's fresh and clean today. her belly is red and irritated from the fleas. poor thing. hopefully we killed them all.

i felt productive for a while. then i went to my biology class. then i came home, with intent to be much more productive, but sat down to eat dinner and watch the new ghost hunters and havnt moved since.

i should sleep soon, too. school tomorrow morning.

but i dont have to work tomorrow. i need to decide how to spend my afternoon: homework, housework, or relaxing.

Saturday, August 29, 2009

8/29/09 - where'd the rest of august go?

i really need to get into the habit of updating this everyday again. i go months without writing and then am sorry that i dont keep a scribe of my life, since my memory is so awful.

I got a postcard from the hubbs the other day: Made in Hong Kong, purchased in Hawaii and mailed from Australia. How's that for the prime example of the global market? ha.

I miss him terribly, and feel like I'm just going through the motions while he's away. Still trying desperately to organize my life, and it seems that as soon as I feel like I get it in control I do laundry and it all goes to hell after that, haha. Started to 'pack'... well, I put a dozen coffee mugs in a box. Its a start! I really should start looking for a new place to live. SDSU starts monday so I'm sure all the summer rentals will come up this weekend. Wish me luck.

Need more coffee, work in two hours... so far behind in homework!

Monday, August 24, 2009


School started last week and I'm behind already. Classes M-Th and work Th-Sun, so I do not have days off anymore. I had the ultimate earth shattering realization yesterday that without a day off, every day is essentially a Monday. i was heartbroken. I'm already feeling it, and think I'm getting sick to boot.

Had my 'final' appt with the reproductive endocrinologist today, and he's settled on my diagnosis with Poly cystic Ovarian Syndrome, which is a fancy term for an incurable hormone imbalance. Essentially I don't make what I need and my ovaries dont work properly. Official suggestion is to go back on the ring until we decide to have kids and deal with fertility issues then, i.e. "until you want a baby and are prepared to spend thousands of dollars don't come back again' ...

I have also developed tendinitis in my right wrist, but when i get xrays for that i have convinced my dr to get xrays of my spine so we can get our insurance to pay for chiropractic and physical therapy for my scoliosis. now if i can just get a front tooth...

on the upside of life, i got a nice review at work and a 50 cent raise, so I'm watching my empathy for humanity wither away while stocking organic produce for a whopping $11.50 an hour.

i've narrowly missed two car accidents today, the second was on the freeway where i had to slam on my brakes to avoid getting my front end taken off, fishtailed in and out of two lanes, where, fortunately, no one was beside me. i was terrified i was going to spin or flip, but somehow made it out alive and untouched, but cried all the way home. so, uh, if anything happens to me while jm is away, please contact Kelly Griffiths on my Facebook friends list, as she is the liaison to his ship and can contact him in an emergency. lol. nervous LOL...

Please excuse my cynicism, but, though i nearly escaped death, i feel it slightly warmed over and all i want is a hug and a nap. and the dog still has fleas so i'll be lucky to get the nap. lol.

Monday, August 10, 2009

what not to do in my grocery store... (a work in progress)

1. ask for a couple boxes, then ask for 10 more because you are moving. hire a mover or get a job in lowly retail where free boxes are one your only perks.

2. snatch a dozen paper bags from my bagging station without asking.

3. eat half a cookie given at our demo table and toss your uneaten bits in the shelf behind the spice jars.

4. race in front of another customer to the check out stand and proudly proclaim 'haha, i beat her' when you get to me. i will dig my dirty fingernails into your produce.

Friday, August 7, 2009


last night i fell asleep on the couch. i just awoke, dreaming that the pacific hurricane elevated water levels here, flooding the streets, and the entire first floor of all the nearby buildings. fortunately for us, our first floor is the garage, so we all were safe. my friend pam was visiting.

i was worried about my husband, because he was in hawaii, where the hurricane was scheduled to hit. i wanted to call him desperately, but my phone needed charging. i looked out my window to see the dark clouds in the distance, only to realize that the water levels were lapping my balcony (which suddenly had a open spot in it where a gate should have been). i wanted to take a picture to send to him, like he had done for me, but as soon as i stepped out and saw the high water, a wave splashed up onto the deck and scared me, so i ran back inside. shortly thereafter, though, i saw my husband's cat in the water just off the balcony, and i ran back out to get him. he was bobbing around in the swell, and i layed on the deck and reached out into the water to grab him. both safe, we went inside and i dried him off the best i could with a gray t-shirt.

i decided it best to take a picture through the window, but as i did, a giant wave rolled in and covered the windows of the second floor. my sliding glass door held tight, and the water remained for only a moment and retreated quickly, but my panic grew bigger.

i tried again to take a picture, but this time through a small window (that i dont really have) and steered clear of the sliding glass door. when i opened my phone to take the picture, and the digital image illuminated in front of me, i saw a man holding a young girl wading through the high waters. i instantly ran to the sliding glass door and opened it. the sun was setting behind the black clouds and i knew if i didnt help them they would be lost at sea. i feared the worst was yet to come.

i ran to the door, that this time did not face the sea, but to a neighboring condo which created a mini hallway between between buildings. a mexican family stood there soaked to the bone and their little girl was crying. the man i had seen through my camera lens was there with his wife and mother, and the little girl. i ushered them in.

just as i began to close the door, a group of kids (early 20s probably) came rushing to my door. there was one girl, a blonde, and three or four guys. she was panicked. they were drunk. i rushed them in the door, knowing time was not on my side, and while anticipating another wave, i yelled for them all to get it together, get inside before i close the f'ing door.

i made sure everyone was ok. i just wanted to call my husband. but this is where the chaos insued, and my dream took a wacky turn. somehow the mexican family disappeared. i didnt see them again.

we made it through the night, bunkered down like we were facing the end of the world. i tried my best to keep coffee going, and all the while was embarrassed that my house wasnt clean.
late night, when the condo was dark, i heard a whirring vibrating sound coming from the top level (of which my place took on a whole new shape), when i stood at the bottom of the stairs and looked up, i could see through to the ceiling, similar to the place i lived in turkey, where the stairs wound around the perimiter of the home. there was a ceiling fan at the very top and i feared it was going bad = either coming loose, or wacky wiring. the last thing we needed was for our fortress to be attacked by an electrical fire.

fear stunted me, and with my back to the wall at the bottom of the stairs i called out "does anyone know anything about electricity?" one of the guys with really dark hair came to my side and we slowly climbed the stairs to the second-to-last level. the whole time i kept my back to the wall and slowly slid up the stairs. i remember it was cool to the touch, but it was solid, and that's what i needed.

i realized what the noise was. my sister lived in the loft at the top, and she had a massaging bed. she must have turned it on. and i began to laugh, and leaned against the wall, where i could feel the vibrations, and i called out to the guy climbing the last bit of stairs that i had figured it out and not to go up there. but he started to, and my sister awoke. she had been sleeping the whole time and was unaware of what was going on. (and to this point i was oblivious that she lived with me.)

morning came slowly, and tensions were getting high. my husband's friend richard was suddenly there, being a great support. my friend tim was there too, and at one point he helped me gather the cats from outside under cars (?). when i took ellis in, she had magenta synthetic hairs plugged into her skin from the top of her head all the way down her back. they didnt seem to bother her, but startled me at first, until i remembered that was my fault because of the chicken costume i had put her in a few days back. (?!)

i lit a candle in a large glass jar, a homemade candle reusing an old mayonnaise jar or something. the blond girl argued with me about it. i fought with her about functionality vs fashion and the real idea of reusing and recycling. for some reason she was sitting beside the table writing a letter on her stationary, complete with colored tulips, peace signs, recycle symbols and other hippie-esque things. i called her out, getting in her face about on her 'fashionable' paper that touted environmental issues but was printed with chemically enhanced colored ink on non-recycled paper. i really got in her face, and i was somewhat proud of myself for it, empowered almost. then i tossed her pseudo-hippie and her un-environmentally friendly non-recycled stationary out the door into the hallway. but had a second thought, and pulled her in again, with a hug, and told her how sorry i was, and that i was just scared.

i made a goal for myself, to make it downstairs to get the phone charger, charge my phone, and call my husband. and as i set off to do this, a short man, like shorter than me, came down wearing a ghostbusters jumpsuit and asked me where jon-mark kept the proton packs. i knew i needed his help, but was on task to clean the house and charge my phone, so i told him to wait. (??!!) the other people were getting anxious and wanted to leave. i asked richard if he was going to leave too, though when i talked to him i didnt see his face, just his chest (he's tall) but i knew it was him. he was wearing a soft camel colored corduroy button up, which i wanted to pet, and earphones. he said he wouldn't leave me, that he knew what kind of support i needed, and he was there to provide it. he would help me see it through.

and i woke up. confused. on the couch. looking out onto the dark balcony, afraid that it was stormy and flooded. it took me a few minutes to get it together. but i peeled myself off the couch, finally, and here, to write this all down.

the sun is beginning to rise. its going to be another beautiful day in san diego.

the weather channel says that Enrique is weakening each day, and that Felicia is weakening too. by the time she hits hawaii she will be only a tropical storm causing no major damage.

its only 3am in hawaii. i think i'll email him anyway.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

{clever title under construction} PROLOGUE

NPR did a short story this morning on a French woman who worked as a cashier in a grocery store to pay her way through college. Then afterward, when no jobs were available, stayed on. And on. And on. At age 29 she published her first book, titled something in French, about her observations of people's behavior, good and bad, as they came through her grocery line in a truthful, cynical, yet lighthearted way. It's since been translated into 16 languages and she's published a second book.

Now, I felt ripped off. I've been meaning to do the same thing. I've even blurbed a bit about those things here. But admittedly, she was a journalism student long before I began working in a grocery store, and she's long passed me as she thought of this years ago. Nonetheless.

I've been aching about it all day. My missed opportunity, thinking that could have been me! We're the same age! Well, actually she's older than me, but was my age when she published her first book, and she was probably a college student when I was ten, cuz I really don't know how old she is now...

I digress.

Anyway, I've decided to do it anyway. Sorry, that was 'anyway' twice.

Ahem. Anyhoo, I came to the realization that although she beat me to the bookbinder, she certainly is not the only person to work in a grocery store or as a cashier of any means, and she certainly isn't the only one to be bothered by other people's behavior. And since she is French, speaks and writes in French and observes other people in France, and French people are, well, French*, I figure I ought to take a bite out of American upper-middle class suburbia and put a real Real Housewives of Eastlake this-is-how-they-treat-the-grocery-clerk message out into the world.

Then perhaps I will randomly meet Miss Frenchie on a passenger train somewhere in a French countryside, seeing as how that seems to be what they have going for them most, aside from baguettes in bicycle baskets next to the ching-ching bells, and we can compare notes.

This so begins what I've been dictating in my head for many weeks. And while I'm at it, let me acknowledge my recent affinity for italics.

*Disclaimer: I'm only poking fun at French for the sake of poking fun at someone. I love Amelie, but I've never actually met a French person. If I had there'd be no reason for a disclaimer. hee hee.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009


its funny how people will jump through hoops when something is important to them, but barely nod their heads when something is not.

the weather has been odd lately. cold and cloudy, windy in the mornings. then the sun comes out around lunchtime for a beautiful afternoon, sometimes windy sometimes not. then by sunset the clouds roll in again for a gloomy end to the day.

we're faced with moving again. i mean, we knew it would happen eventually, but figured we could renew our lease another year if we wanted to give ourselves time to find a home to buy, something to make our own. looks like we will have to move before the end of the year regardless. apartment hunting again, and i hate it. there is a really nice, really spacious, and really cheap complex down the street overlooking the estuary. they will not allow pets over 25lbs. i wonder how they would like it if i told their fat asses they had to weigh less than 110 to live in their home? a very few people would fit that bill.

i found a beautiful new home in glendale, in the neighborhood we wanted to live in, nearly 2200 sq ft with a gorgeous kitchen for under $150,000. I can hardly find a 1000 sq ft apartment for that here.

i keep dreaming about falling in love. meeting someone, connecting with them. that fluttery squishy feeling you get when you meet someone new. they are never real people, no one i know in real life i mean. they often dont even have faces. just the symbols of people, i guess. the dreams are always quick, leaving me not remembering much but the feeling, and it seems that i always wake at the very moment i am making the concious admission that i am in love with that person. but i wake alone, hearing only the dog's tail wrapping against the door waiting to go out.

someone asked me the other day if i miss my husband when he is gone. i wish people would think before they speak.

Monday, June 15, 2009

what was i thinking??

i just woke from the weirdest dream...

we were rigging the door so that we could get a running start before the 30ft tall frankenstein monster came pouring out of the giant stone doors. See, one of us had pulled the rope that was just randomly hanging from the ceiling, and the wall split in two and started to open, revealing a very large monster guy. so we pushed the doors shut, but realized that we had to keep the rope at a precise height - if we pulled on it too hard the doors would open, and if we simply let it go it would let the doors open.

so our genius idea was to tie the rope to my left hand that was still wearing a boxing glove (WTF?!). they wrapped all my gear around me so i was ready to run. in an afterthought, i realized i had left my granola bars and giant bag of reece's pieces in my desk drawer (again, WTF), so i asked someone to put them in my purse for me. such an inconvenience, the snotty girl sighed at me and roller her eyes, but she simply didnt understand how important it was for me to take my granola bars and reece's pieces.

so the trap was set. my left boxing-gloved-hand tied to a rope hanging from the ceiling and a bag full of snacks in the other, we were ready to execute our plan. we were to start running, all together, then when i got as far as i could go, i was to rip my hand out of the glove giving us time to run faster while the doors behind us opened.

little did we know, that when we got that far, letting the big doors behind us open made the windows in front us close with large stone panels. AND, it let other monsters in from other panels in other walls. specifically, monsters from 'where the wild things are'. but, i was satisfied, thinking we had it covered, because when the big doors opened, big monster guy would eat all the littler monsters, so all we had to run to the windows and jump out.

it was like an indiana jones flick where you could bring your own snacks... we ran straight ahead to the windows that were quickly closing, and made a sharp right turn through the hallway as we noticed a window to our right was jammed, closing very slowly. with a large hurdle jump, we all made it outside...

...into suburbia, where the sun was shining and birds were chirping. we landed on the front lawn of some sort of office building, and our car was parked outside. as the others began to load their crap, i heard a little girl crying. so i walked around the front of the building, and noticed an area where holes had broken through the stone that shielded the windows. a little blond girl was in there, crying about candy. as i started to walk towards her, the big monster from 'where the wild things are' came running at me trying to get the bag of reece's pieces i had taken from my purse and was munching on. he chased me for a bit, but because of his size, couldnt keep up. he stopped. i stopped. he started to cry like a three year old because i wouldn't share my candy. then he pulled the 'fine, i dont want your candy anyway' attitude, and held out his hand full of little red and orange candies, and he said 'because i have Iranian candy to give to the naked baby jesus..' and then he sniffled. and i woke up.

and that, my friends, is the biggest WTF to date.

mental note: do not eat quesodilla and watch family guy before bed.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

New collection - Beach Diva!

I've been working on a custom order I received through my Etsy shop, The Curio Boudoir, that was inspired by my Natural Sand and Shell Switchplate. I have been making many bumbles! I'm trying very hard to meet the customer's specifications, but this is still a learning process for me. With each item I make, I am constantly seeking better ways of doing things.

I've been trying to make the 'perfect' sand covered switch plate, and needless to say I've made a dozen less-than-perfect examples so far :) However, with each bumble, I am discovering a new way of making them, and with each new way a new organic idea comes to fruition.

I was toying with the idea of using a spray adhesive to cover the switch plates with sand, as brushing on thick white adhesive was just not working out so well... I couldn't get an even-steven coat to save my life. I dug through all of my craft supplies, and found the small can of spray adhesive I used once years ago - and apparently didnt clean the nozzle after the last use because it is CLOGGED! While digging, however, I found a small can of spray glitter, and I figured its the same basic substance just with a little diva added to it... so I tried it.

I sprayed the plate with the glitter, and while it was still wet, buried it in sand. A little while later, I dug it out, brushed it off, and voila! It was a beautiful even coat of sand with a tiny bit of shimmer showing through. I instantly fell in love with it and started pulling out all of the shells I have lying around, trying to find one with the perfect amount of pink in it.

I had a bag of shells collected when I visited my sister and her husband in Louisiana a few years ago - actually, the week between hurricanes Katrina and Rita. We went to Holly Beach and found mass amounts of shells and other debris that had washed up. We even found a boot, a shirt, a hat, several bones, and we put together a 'beach man' haha.

I had completely forgotten about them, but in that collection of debris, I found the perfect piece of pink and white coral. I adhered the coral to the lower right corner... but... it still needed something.

A ha! My recent rhinestone addiction came out to play! I embellished both the coral and the switch plate with some magenta gems to finish it off. This gave me the idea to do the same with wood picture frames, trinket boxes, and other little goodies. And so was born the Beach Diva Collection! You can see the first installment in my Etsy shop now! (click on photo below)

I think this piece would be a lot of fun in a beach themed bedroom, dressing room, or a teen's room.

Stay tuned for more from The Beach Diva Collection!

Friday, June 12, 2009

Tibetanelements interview with The INcrowd

I just received word that I was mentioned in a recent blog by the INcrowd Etsy team from Indiana. They interviewed a lovely artist and member of the team, Tibetanelements. Her shop at features beaded and delicate wire jewelry (with many dragonflies - and you know how I love dragonflies!!). Please take a moment to peruse her shop as well as the INcrowd's blog at, where you will find the interview in full. (below, tibetanelements dragonfly hairpin)

In the interview, tibetanelements was asked to suggest five of her favorite shops, and she graciously listed my candle shop! I am honored to be a part of this list, and I'm off to share the love and check out the other four artists!! I hope you will do the same!

Thanks to the INcrowd and tibetanelements for the compliment and encouragement, and I wish much success to them all.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

as the grocery produce rotates....

a new installment in the saga of my workplace.

this week was intesting. i was told that I am the 'favorite heather' by a couple of people, and then, by the other heather, how Heather is such a 'white' name...

tequila and cramps girl suggested to someone that they 'oven' their asparagus. 'it tastes really great if you oven it..." same said tequila and cramps girl let us know she cleaned the 'ladies room' when we have two restrooms - both family rest rooms.

early morning crew = grouchy.

an elderly woman came in today with a cart full of groceries, and she was disgustingly chipper. just as i was thinking to myself how apparently happy she is, i pulled the gallon jug of vodka out of her shopping cart... oh, thats why. and that made my day.

another elderly lady today confessed that this was her first experience into our store and asked if she could have one of our large bags (even though she purchases only one item) because she
'sort of collects bags... you know, its one of those kinky things i have - i collect bags...'

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Beachy Photo Album

A friend of mine recently got married in St Thomas .. a beautiful reception on the beach. Since my employment record has been pretty poor since we moved here, I was unable to go. But, I wanted to do something extra special for her so I've put together a couple of beach inspired keepsakes.

The first is a glass bauble, embellished with small rhinestone letters that say "I Do" on one side and has their monogram on the backside. Its clear glass, and I asked another friend that attended the wedding to get some sand and small shells for her to put inside the bauble, so they always have a piece of the beach where they got married.

Second, a photo album. When we got married, a friend gave me a simple photo album with a little poem on it indicating that we were to make it our anniversary album. Each year on our anniversary we are to take a picture of ourselves and put into the book. (and we've already failed - no pic on anniversary #1.. )

But I felt a plain photo album was not enough, so I super embellished it with sand and shells from the beach here in California.

It was covered in a canvas-like cloth, and unfortunately the only color I could find was black (I looked at Michael's and Target - and both stores had a terrible selection!)

I covered it with two layers of sand and sealed it, so that the sand will not flake or peel off. Since it was cloth, and that was a first for me, it soaked up so much of my mod podge that I'm going to have to find another adhesive in the future. I think i'll try to spray glue the sand on, the seal it with the mod podge... anyway, this is how it turned out:

Then, I pulled out my collection of seashells that I've saved over the years to find the perfect fit for the front. I pulled out half a dozen heart shaped shell charms from my jewerllry kit and tied them onto a strand of raffia. I wound the raffia around the opening on the front cover to frame the area the poem will be inserted into.
Then, I chose a large sand dollar, a piece of water-eroded shell, and a conch shell that was black and white - and it made the black photo album seem purposeful!
I have ordered some additional gems and I am going to put either their monogram or last name on top above the opening in the front cover to finish it off.
This came out so lovely, I think I am going to try to do another one using a spray adhesive. If it works out, I'm going to offer them as personalized handmade wedding gifts in my Etsy Curio shop, The Curio Boudoir. In addition, I'm thinking of expanding the selection to do smaller albums for vacations, beach-themed parties, etc.

on a roll now...

To see a bear in your dream, symbolizes independence, the cycle of life, death and renewal. It may signal of period of introspection and thinking., what if you are stradling the back of the baby grizzly bear, wrapped around it and rubbing its tummy with your left hand while letting it nosh on your hand thats inside its chew toy, silently praying it doesnt eat your hand?

Wednesday, June 3, 2009


So my favorite dream website has let me down: I looked up "octopus"

To see an octopus in your dream, signifies that you are entangled in some difficult matter or that some situation is clouded. Alternatively, the octopus indicates that you are overly possessive and too clingy in a relationship

yeah ut what does it mean with the f'ing thing climbs onto your head and tries to eat you?

i was on a boat. an old timey tour boat, rickety like the old fashioned glass bottom boats, but with seats like the Pirates ride at disneyland (and no glass bottom). we sat super low in the water, and if i looked to my left, where i sat against the side, the water was merely inches below us. we were touring past an old fasihoned building, made to look like an old river trading post, but actually an inn. all the false doors we passed were actually rooms, but the backs of them because there was nothing leading up to the doors but water - no way in or out. that apparently was on the other side of the building that was not part of the boat tour. there were only a dozen of us, and i was seated by myself.

there were pieces of mossy things floating in the water which sometimes covered the fish that swam by. but for the most part the water was super clear. the girl in front of me dove into the water and swam with a large white fish to the faux dock about 10 feet away from us exclaiming that is where she was getting married. no one thought it odd that she just bailed out of the boat so i didnt say anything either.

from a bit of a distance, in the shallow of the water and right beside the building, i saw "__" (i cant remember its name). it was the 'ancient' black octopus that lived in the waters, reportedly for hundreds of years, and everyone lovingly spoke about him as if he were a grumpy old man. his sightings were rare, given his oily black color, and the fact that this part of the tour was covered by many hut-like awnings to keep the glare of the sun off of the water when touring the port. but i saw him, coasting along the side of the building, just beneath the surface. and then he saw me. and he cut across the water right towards me like a speeding bullet. he climbed up the side of the boat like a black blob, crawled across my lap, up my right side, and onto my head, wrapping his tentacles around my neck and face.

i had instinctively pulled my arms up around my head and covered myself with my hoodie as best i could, because for some reason i couldnt remember if an octopus was poinsonous. i wanted to cover as much of my skin as i could. and wearing my hoodie, arms, and an octopus, i shouted as loud as i could for help, because apparently no one saw what happened.

the couple behind me peeled him off of me and tossed him back in the water. but no sooner did i stand up to get a hold of what had just happened, he climbed back into the boat, across the floor, and began to crawl up my legs, wrapping himself around my waist. as he was at about my knees, reaching up and wrapping around my waist i grabbed the first thing i could find - a kabob stick.

i started stabbing wildly at the black mass between my knees, and other passengers were finally catching on. they started throwing me more kabob sticks (thanks, a-holes) so i could stab it more, and finally he began to melt and drip away like hot lava-like oil.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

unfair punishment.

for at least 20 minutes, the dog has been sleeping on the other side of the room. she just got up, walked over to my desk, farted, and walked back to her sleeping spot.

what did i do to deserve that?

Saturday, May 30, 2009

Candle Shop renovation

I sat down today and took a look at my candle shop... and I think I need to spruce it up a bit. I've been trying to pump out some bright, fun summery scents like Coconut Lime and Freesia Blossoms. ((Still in the works is a smoothie blend, apricot, canteloupe, and watermelon!))

But I still think it needs ... something.

In addition to brightening up my selection, I'm toying with the idea of changing the way my photos are taken. I love to take macro shots that show the colors and textures up close, but I wonder if shoppers enjoy those photos as much as I do?

Should I add fun text to show off the scent and the feeling I want to get across to potential buyers? Or is it enough to show just the candles themselves?

I've put together a little survey... I would truly appreciate your feedback!

Click Here to take survey

Friday, May 29, 2009


i feel good today. sort of a giant weight lifted from my shoulders, temporarily of course, kind of feeling. its like when you get your first paycheck after several months of unemployment or when you make it to the bathroom just "in time".

my situation, however, is the first rather than the latter.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Technorati Profile

Monday, May 18, 2009

work: day four

so... i took a quiz on facebook once upon a time ago, ''what 80s movie defines you?'', and my result was Say Anything.. Fabulous movie, if i had to be anything i'm glad it was a john cusack flick...however, this title should not literally translate into real life. there is nothing on my forehead that says 'say anything' or 'tell me your whole life story' or even 'we just met, i'd love to hear about your menstral cycle stories and how much you love tequila' ...

Thursday, May 14, 2009

i miss writing this way...

ok so i am catching up on my 'social netoworking' skills and decided that i cannot exclude myspace any longer. too many of my friends are still there, and i miss them. they are not on facebook, most of them, so i have to play both sides. it is what it is. anywhoo...

i was looking through some of my old blogs on myspace and found this one, from nearly two years ago. but it struck me, one because i had completely forgotten about it, and two, because its still true:

1000 miles away
i want to meet a child in mozambique. i want to ask him where he sleeps at night. i want to ask him about his favorite color and the dreams he awakes with. i want to touch his nose and make a silly pinkie swear. give him a balloon and a rice crispie treat. a twistie straw and a flintstone vitamin. i want to give him a best friend and a game they can share.

i want to write in the colors with which i dream. i want to speak with the tones that beat in my chest. i want to light the world with the candles i make. i want to make a difference to at least one person. i want to capture light in all its beauty, put them on bilbourds across the world, then simultaneously set them ablaze. i want to ruin pixie sticks. i want everyone to have at least one gummy worm. i want dancing to become prescribed therapy. i want to send slushies to the kid in mozambique.

i once read that if you write Thank You's on small sheets of paper and put them in a small box - cigar box, jewelry box, etc - that they will become part of your every day. like 'thank you for the most efficient copy machine repairman in the city' and he will become what you say 'thank you' for already having. part of the self-fulfilling prophecy i suppose. i tried it. i dont think the rolodex was the proper sort of box for this type of life changing magic.

i want to adopt a million dogs to give them a special life, on a farm where they can chase chickens. too bad for the chickens, but the dogs will be happy. i want kirby to swim right-side-up. i want azreal to love mew again. i want a lot of things...

i want to hear the sound of birds singing and actually enjoy it. i want to smell roses while they are still in a garden. i want to smell the sea. rain. wet concrete. popsicles.

i want to meet a buddist. breathe in his peace. learn of gods and wisdoms. even if only in stories. good stories, not gods that thrive on war. i want to remove this blindfold to find there really is a pinata, and find reassurance that i'm not just swinging at air with a wooden bat. perhaps a giant carrot. either way, what am i fighting for? against? with or without?

there is a path. green. yellow. orange. red. and blue. with a giraffe as my guide. i need sleep.

"...what kind of scale compares the weight of two beauties, the gavity of duty or groundspeed of joy? tell me what kind of guage can quantify elation? What kind of equation could i possibly employ?..." AD

there's just more to life than this.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

when my hubbs is out of town, i just can't sleep. i drown myself in crafting and watching movies and i'm up till i realize how late it is and fall over into bed.

scream #1: this morning i overslept.

i woke to the cat, who had snuck into my bedroom, lying his f@t A$s on my chest, pushing on my throat. i couldn't get moving in time to make my first class this morning, not that i cared, because i dislike that class very much, and since my final is next week i do not care about missing one more time. my second class, however, i had to go to. so i readied myself and went off to school.

i came home from school chipper and looking forward to my job interview at 3pm. i had a plan, things to do until it was time to get ready. i was excited to get dressed up, as its been quite a while, and i was looking forward to wearing my new suity skirt and vest ensamble with the cute silver top with plum colored polka dots. i spent nearly 20 minutes fussing over pantyhose, choosing the right color, then deciding to skip them cuz i couldn't find shoes to go with pantyhose... make up, hair, perfume, all nice. ready to go...

scream #2: and as i'm picking up a purse to swap into, a button pops off... seriously? i've never worn this before, just pulled the tags off! a button. came off my right sleeve, not in a place that i could easily cover, and i had no jacket that matched my silvery plummy gray outfit.. so in a flash i had to completely change.

scream #3: tried a new route to job locale, and almost was late. but on time, i met the manager and was offered the job!

scream #4: why doesnt anyone answer their phone when you have good news?

i went through the drive through to order celebratory taco bell.

and i've been on the couch ever since. time goes by so quickly when the sun is up all day.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Coconut Lime candles

It's official. I've given in to color. I made a new set of candles this week, and boy are they bright! Electric lime green with mottling, and scented with coconut and limes. They are adorable, and would make a great accent to a back yard barbeque!

Here's the super mottled tapered hexagon, now available on Etsy:

The pillars and votives:

I'm looking for some other bright and fun scents/colors to make... suggestions? I'm thinking that the next batch may be bright pink watermelon or orange cantaloupe...

Saturday, May 9, 2009

jazzed for more

Made some new smellies yesterday, and now I'm jazzed to make more!

These creamy springy green pillars (there are votives, too!) are exactly what I needed to refresh my creative scentenergy!

I'm usually a sucker for any warm, rich foodie-type scent - but this week I was craving something fresh. This mix of Rosemary and Ylang Ylang was just what the doctor ordered! It brightens my day with the clean, refreshing fragrance and the light spring green color.

Rosemary is a woody, fragrant herb that has been associated with improving memory. It is traditionally used in weddings and other ceremonies as a symbol of remembrance.

Ylang Ylang is rich and deep with notes of rubber and custard, and bright with hints of jasmine and neroli. It is a flower derived from the rainforst cananga tree. In Indonesia, its petals are spread on the beds of newlyweds.

This candle set will make a lovely handmade wedding gift!

I'm now offering a free tart with any purchase over $10 (before shipping). There are several scents to choose from, just let me know which one is your favorite! See my shop for details!

Wednesday, May 6, 2009


I'm annoyed today and i'm not sure why. It is increasing as the day wears on.

I had two preliminary interviews for jobs. The second I feel much better about than the first. Not sure which I want to pursue, however, because the first will pay more...

I have a lot of homework due tomorrow and I cannot bring myself to do it. At all. I read the book, I really did, but weeks ago and there is so much packed into each chapter I can't remember what happens where and am finding it hard to do the chapter by chapter writings without rereading the book... and I just can't focus on that now.

I've been swapping bedrooms while the hubbs is at sea this week. Moving his stuff into the cave that was once my craft room, and moving my craft stuff into the light-filled airy room that once held his untouched drums. perhaps that is what is annoying me. I cannot finish it. I do not wan tto move his computer and large amps for fear that I will break something, and I want to have it as done as possible before he comes home as sort of a surprise for him (for me). but the more i realize i cannot do, the less i feel good about doing this while he's gone, and the more i am annoyed at just how much 'stuff' is needed to make yet more stuff.

i'm craving organized space and i cannot accomplish it like i want to. and that is frustrating. and getting frustrated is annoying.

and taco bell is just too far away to make me feel better. and that is annoying.

and the dog is in a sneezing fit, such sneezes that makes her whole head shake. when you ask her if she is ok, she just gets up and walks over and sneezes in your lap. and that is annoying. turns out she had a hair in her nose. now on my thumb. and yes, annoying.

i want to be outside but i dont want to leave my house. annoying.

i'm complaining, and i apologize. i am annoying myself.

now i really want nachos.

there is a taco shop a block away. they don't have nachos. i could get a burrito. and a coke. for a dollar. the coke will be a dollar, i mean, not the burrito. if that were the case i would be stuffing beans down my throat and not writing about all of this. but a can of coke for a dollar is annoying. and they dont have nachos to make it better.

i ran out of cat food for two days and they got really angry. azreal broke my fairy. he broke into a bag of treats and ate them all. and some dog food. i got them food today and they ate three bites and walked away. bastards. cats are aweful companions when you're irritable.

unless you are looking at lolcats. then it gives you a lot of ideas... and that makes me feel better.

Monday, April 20, 2009

tee bone doggie version

[ok i really need a job, i have too much time on my hands]

Doggie had them apple flava'd treats [treats]
doggie with the fur [With the fur]
The whole park was lookin at her
treat hit the flo [treat hit the flo]
Next thing you know
Doggie said bow wow wow wow wow wow wow

Them black'n'white spots
And the harness with the straps [With the straps]
She turned around and gave that tail a wag [Ayy]
treats hit the flo [treats hit the flo]
Next thing you know
Doggie said bow wow wow wow wow wow wow

[Verse 1:]
I ain't never seen nuthin that'll make me go,
this crazy all day chasin my dog,
Had a million little bags and she had to go
Dem little poos, they smell so bad
So scent-ual, she was turnin circles.
Silly Doggie, drinkin H2O
Hold up wait a minute, do I smell what I think I
Did I think I seen doggie get low
Ain't the same when it's up that close
Make it stop, i'm pickin it up
Work the park, I got the baggie roll
Imma say that I prefer them no barks
I'm into that, I love happy dogs
She looked back at me, I gave her more
Treats are a problem, I know where it goes

She had them

Apple Flava'd Treats [Treats]
Doggie with the fur [With the fur]
The whole park was lookin at her
Treats hit the flo [Treats hit the flo]
Next thing you know
Doggie said bow wow wow wow wow wow wow

Them cutsie black spots
And the harness with the straps [With the straps]
She turned around and gave that big tail a wag [Ayy]
She hit the flo [She hit the flo]
Next thing you know
Doggie said bow wow wow wow wow wow wow

[right, and the rest of the song is in a language i don't quite understand, let alone translate into Doggie, lol]

for the real lyrics go here

Saturday, April 18, 2009

from my beach

it is a beautiful sunny day here in IB and I have been cooped up in the bedroom forcing myself to read a book and do its homework for english class. boo.

being in this room (my craft room) i can't really focus on english, so i bribed myself to read 1/5 of the book and then craft for a while before reading some more. hey, whatever gets me through the day.

rather than crafting new, i decided to take advantage of the warm sun on our patio and photograph some of the beachy things i made last week. take a look!

The sand on each item has been sealed so that it will not peel or scratch off. The sand, shells and sandollars were all recovered locally in Imperial Beach, CA.

Natural Frame, washed with sand and sealed, then adorned with a natural sandollar. Holds a 4x6 photo, either horizontally or vertically. Can stand alone or hang.
Frame washed in ocean blue acrylic, then sealed with sand and adorned with a natural sandollar.
Holds a 4x6 photo, either horizontally or vertically. Can stand alone or hang.
Standard sized single switch plate covered with sand and sealed, then adorned with a natural shell. Comes with standard screws washed in ocean blue.
I can't wait to make more fun things with sand and shells. Summer is fast approaching and this little beach town will not be sleepy for long.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009


Well now I really didn't want Spring Break to end, but I really didn't want to miss school because I broke a piece of my body. Yesterday morning signaled the first day of heading back to class after a nice crafty week off. the in-laws were visiting and we stayed up late watching movies the night before. I overslept, and rushed out of bed in a panic.

Our bed is in a loft space above the master bedroom, and the foot of the bed is just about 8 inches from wood slatted railing... and you guessed it, I sleep on the far side. The quilt had found its way to the floor and I stumbled over it on my way down to the shower... only my left pinkie toe caught one of the wood slats and I heard a loud POP as a shooting pain went up my left side. I stopped, looked down, and my toe was pointing away from my foot :(

I reached down and straightened it out, then grabbed hold of whatever was beside me because I started to get dizzy from the pain. I took a deep breath and forced myself down the stairs, sort of sliding down the wall to keep myself upright, but had to collapse in the chair at the foot of the stairs. The room spun, and I almost blacked out - hot flashes and all. I forced a couple of deep breaths and ran to the bathroom. I turned on the shower (I was really determined not to miss school!) and sat on the floor to let the room spin again for a moment. Then huffed my way into the shower just long enough to wash my hair. I couldnt take it anymore. I was getting really dizzy.

So, I went right back to bed. I slept till noon. wabbled myself to the couch, where I elevated it the rest of the day, and used my dog's wound wrap to buddy tape my toes. (hey, it's pink, so no one really has to know it was the dog's :)

Today, I did go to school, limping a little, but I made it ok. The swelling is gone, and the bruising is subtle. I think I'll live. At least it is pointing in the correct direction now. lol. I know, its really not funny, but if you knew how clumsy I really am, this would come as no surprise. well, only a surprise that this is the first time I have ever broken a part of myself in my whole life. Should have grown up in a cast, lol. But I suppose that is what I am losing as I get older.

Some people lose their hearing, or their hair, or their eyesight. Yeah, I'm losing balance. I fall down a lot. I've accepted it.

Monday, April 13, 2009

1st From the Beach

Living across the street from the beach for the first time in my life, I am now completely surrounded by nature's inspiration. Not to mention an endless supply of seashells! I just can't let this go to waste, and so I'm starting a new collection called From the Beach..

It will be beach inspired goodies that will span both my candle shop and my curio shop. I took the first round of goodies out for a photo op the other day, but it was so damn windy I could only do the heavy glass candle holders. The picture frames and switch plates started to blow away!

So here are some photos of the candle holders.. let me know what you think! The sand has been sealed so that it will not chip or peel off the glass. I test burned one I made for myself and it is so charming.
I just listed these on Etsy and I think they are adorable. I'm not sure what to think of the photos though.. I'm on the fence and think perhaps I should reshoot them. What do you think?

The shimmer got a little splotchy in some areas but I think they are ok. I know better for next time!
I also made a double layer of sand, but I think the single layer lets much more light through.
As soon as I can photograph the other items I've made I'll post them and let you know. Feedback welcome!
xoxo, h

Thursday, April 9, 2009

A little paint makes a big difference

Well, its been a rediculously productive morning so far. I fell asleep on the couch last night, and just decided to stay there, since it was the first night this week I'd been able to sleep before midnight. (And I feel like a jerk because my falling asleep early led to me not calling my sister for her birthday. So sorry, Tiff, you don't know how bad I really feel about that!)

Since I was on the couch, I woke when the hubbs got up to leave for work (at about .. before-the-sun-a.m.) So I peeled myself off the couch as the sun rose and took the dog for a potty. I ran upstairs and have been crafting ever since. I'm covered in paint, and it feels good.

Yesterday, I was staring at one of the new magnet gift tins I've been working on, and decided it just 'needed something' .. so I painted it. Then I sealed it. And it's cute as can be!


Inside, it has a set of five glass magnets with a geometric/stripe pattern in green/black/white/blue and it looks really great together. I'll be listing these in just a few minutes into my Etsy curio shop = CurioBoudoir.Etsy.Com !

So, needless to say, I've gone back to the other tins I'd made and painted them too :)

I have a few more that are still drying - and then I'm out... I'm resisting the urge to run out and buy more!!!

Monday, April 6, 2009


i am so addicted to icanhazcheezburger and all of their funnies... the failblog and Engrish get me every time. its our favorite thing to do, and my husband laughs so hard he cackles, and spits tea everywhere. if you havn't seen them lately you HAVE to go to and

do it! pina corada is off rimits!

Friday, April 3, 2009

christ, let's eat a ham.

i know... i keep changing the blog template and its annoying.. it annoys me too. i know shit about html code otherwise i'd just make one myself. instead i just keep searching for the best template i can find, and my opinion of 'best' keeps changing.

easter is approaching. one week away. this year is going so quickly.

easter was always difficult for me as a child. misleading. confusing. when i was very young, perhaps two or three, we lived in a detached studio in back of my grandparents' house. i remember waking up one easter morning so excited to find eggs. but, then i found one sitting in a green coffee cup on the floor in the corner beside the frame of the front door. had the front door been open, i wouldn't have seen it. but there it was, staring me in the face.

why is there an easter egg in a coffee cup on the floor? who would DO that? and as the thought worked its way through my little head, the only reasonable explanation was that the easter bunny had DONE that. i mean, he is, after all, the only one that hides eggs for little girls and he HAD to have left an egg in a coffee cup.

but who's coffee cup? again, the only explanation was that it was the easter bunny's coffee cup. i mean, he comes at night when everyone is sleeping, so it couldn't have been my mother's coffee cup. its not like he hangs out and reads the paper with my mom at the dining table in the morning waiting for me to wake up. if that were the case i'd be more like the cadbury bunny.

but... the easter bunny doesn't drink coffee. and surely wouldn't just leave his cup on the floor... only dirty people do that... oh... ...

and that day the easter bunny became six feet tall, hairy in a dirty sort of way, with a coffee cup in one hand, a cigar in the other and a five o'clock shadow. it's not been quite the same since.

egg hunting was also an awkward thing for me. the thrill of doing it once was never enough so i'd badger my mom to hide the eggs over and over again. i could tell it annoyed her at times.

since i was not raised overly religious or part of a local church, we always celebrated easter at home, simply with egg hunting and a nice dinner. no more, no less. i do remember one year, also at a very young age, that we participated in a big easter picnic in some park somewheres... (who the hell knows, i could have dreamed this whole thing...) but i remember there were tons of families there. an organized egg hunt for all the kids and i felt guilty finding eggs cuz i felt like i should leave them for everyone else to find. and there was an egg toss, that i wanted to play but i think i remember i couldn't. or wouldn't, i'm not sure. i think i remember sticking to my mother like glue and i had a terrible time. social anxiety at such a young age. i should have known hermit ism was in my blood.

and then, there's always the egg that you never find, but never smell rotten. well, you know my philosophy on that one.. hybrid soldiers for the chicken revolution and all that. holidays are silly to me. christ is resurrected, lets eat a ham. weird. we do strange things for strange reasons. but i'll not go there now.

i spent the afternoon on the couch, flipping between HGTV and the E True Hollywood Story of Home Improvement. That is a sad, gloomy day. so i napped. and woke extremely confused. i woke up on the opposite end of the couch from which i started. i missed a phone call, but i got a second chance later on. i think i got drunk dialed by a girl, lol.

and what is it about french toast that seems so consoling? is it because its one of the very first things we learn to cook as children? i feel bad, i know! i'll make french toast. .. well its never as good as it sounds, and it actually makes you feel worse, cuz for gods sakes you made it when you were six, why does it taste like ass now? but each time you feel a little down, french toast seems like the cure. and you just can't seem to remind yourself that it failed the last ten times you tried it, so just dismiss that brainchild before it hatches. no. instead you cook it up and spit out the first bite. the dog wouldnt even eat it.

its just one of the many silly kitchen-esque things that go on my list of 'what the hell were you thinking?' a couple of weeks ago i thought it a good idea to buy a bag of potatoes. you know, cuz i have that three tier red wire haging basket with nothing in it, so i should fill it with a dozen potatoes... well, grandma used to always have potatoes around the house... i know, because i used to steal them and hide them in the top drawer of the hutch so they would grow eyes... and then i'd forget about them, and someone would go for a table cloth and pull out a rotten potato.

but i digress... i bought a sack of potatoes because it seemed like the right thing to do. i picked up a whole bag of potatoes like it was natural instinct and brought them home and filled up my little baskets and havn't touched them since. my husband keeps teasing me about it. why the hell did you buy a whole sack of potatoes? .. my grandma always used to have potatoes around the kitchen. .. uh-huh. but did she COOK them? .. well, yes, but thats not the point. .. so i keep threatening him with potato based dinners, though i cant think of anything other than potato pancakes, and if they are anything like my french toast we'll be ordering pizza instead.

so they still sit there. hanging from the ceiling in their little red wire baskets, their entire existance in the hands of gravity. every now and again he looks up at them and just shakes his head. so if you have any good potato recipes send them my way.